I'm spending some time updating my website at supanatural.webs.com today and in the process I have had some of my old youtube tutorials playing in the background. First, its waaaaaaaay too late for me to be up listening to youtube, but even as I listen, and work on my website, I can't help but assess where life has taken me over this past year. 2010 has FLOWN by, and its almost OVER. Time flies. I was watching my Vision Board tutorial from Jan 2010, and listening to the resolutions I shared in it, and can't help but wonder if its normal for goals to change from year to year. My goal for being starting a family as well as my own businesses have not changed, but I've started wavering on idea of starting another school....I just feel so tired of ....fighting. There's more of a back story to this, but in short, I've been re-evaluating how I position myself as an educator. Up to today, I've been much more of a fighter for the rights of kids and families who most often get cheated and mistreated by the current education system. But my spirit is tired. I'm tired, of fighting. I want to live in a way that most energizes me, and I must change directions to make that happen. My new year's resolution for 2011 is to redesign the way I spend my time. I've GOT to give more time to my websites (supanatural.webs.com and pre-k2ba.webs.com). I have to get serious about starting a formal non-profit, and starting my supanatural t-shirt line.
Please God, just help me get focused and get started...
Signed,
P.S.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Slow Your Roll!
So what do you do when you're confined to a space and people are sending out nothing but negative vibes? I consider myself a strong person---NO, I am strong, and it's taken me some time to develop this strength I now have. I'm a self-evaluator (by nature??) so I've spent many years developing the level of self awareness that I can say I have for myself. I have even come to a space in my life where I know how to maintain a certain vibe to pull the things I want into my life (others call this the law of attraction. I don't know it to be quite that deep yet). But what I'm struggling with now is how to maintain my positive energy when I can't always choose who I'm going to spend my time with, and I'm with folks who can't stand to say two nice words about anyone. It's a mindset I won't fall into. Life is so different when you look for the positives in people and bring light to them. It makes life worth living, and I believe you love yourself more because of it. I guess the best I can do for now is look for the positives in the gossipers and keep on steppin' -- because I got too much going on to do worse than that.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Our Natural Kids Network
I was just checking out SistaChick's youtube channel just to see what she's been up to lately, and learned that she's recently started what sounds like a really interested and innovative online network for parents of natural haired children (LOVE IT!)
Check it out when you get a chance: www.ournaturalkids.ning.com
Hope you're having a fabulous Sunday! I know I am :)
P.S.
Check it out when you get a chance: www.ournaturalkids.ning.com
Hope you're having a fabulous Sunday! I know I am :)
P.S.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Natural "Up Dos" for the workplace
Hey guys, finally posting this pics!
Here are some styles I wore these very professional up-do styles I wore to work this summer.
I live in Houston now, where the heat and humidity are RI-DICULOUS, so these up-dos do the trick :)
These would work well for the winter protective styles we naturals need too.
If you'd like a tutorial on any of these, let me know.
Signed,
P.S.
Here are some styles I wore these very professional up-do styles I wore to work this summer.
I live in Houston now, where the heat and humidity are RI-DICULOUS, so these up-dos do the trick :)
These would work well for the winter protective styles we naturals need too.
If you'd like a tutorial on any of these, let me know.
Signed,
P.S.
Gotta get movin again
...Man, I really need to get started with my art work and videos again....
WELCOME to all of my Facebook fans and Youtube subscribers who've found me here...Welcome :) Come on in!
I'm still a little under the weather from my last post, so I haven't quite gathered the motivation to paint, sew or produce vids like I need to. God willing, I'll be up and running again this weekend...I miss it!! I did do an impromptu painting recently for my apartment though. I'll post a picture. Mainly, I just slopped some paint on a giant canvas over a series of days, just to see what I could produce, based on pure boundless inspiration. I kinda like!! It sits nicely in my dinning room for now.
I'll be posting a hairstory video this weekend, that includes pictures from my latest hair check!
I think you'll be impressed! I was!
Stay tuned for that!
Nappy Friday!
Signed,
P.S.
WELCOME to all of my Facebook fans and Youtube subscribers who've found me here...Welcome :) Come on in!
I'm still a little under the weather from my last post, so I haven't quite gathered the motivation to paint, sew or produce vids like I need to. God willing, I'll be up and running again this weekend...I miss it!! I did do an impromptu painting recently for my apartment though. I'll post a picture. Mainly, I just slopped some paint on a giant canvas over a series of days, just to see what I could produce, based on pure boundless inspiration. I kinda like!! It sits nicely in my dinning room for now.
I'll be posting a hairstory video this weekend, that includes pictures from my latest hair check!
I think you'll be impressed! I was!
Stay tuned for that!
Nappy Friday!
Signed,
P.S.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Official Nappily Ever After Blog: Blog Tour: Nappturalite Radio Interview
Official Nappily Ever After Blog: Blog Tour: Nappturalite Radio Interview
Several years ago (ok, like 2005 or 6), I read my first book by Trisha R. Thomas, while soaking in my garden style tub in the middle of a Saturday afternoon---after a huge break-up. Until I ran across her official blog today, I'd forgotten how much her first book, Nappily Ever After, captivated me. A story about hair...an AFRICAN-AMERICAN story about OUR hair. Before this book, I'd never considered ALL that black hair does (or doesn't) do for us in American society. Spellbound, I read that first book, virtually from cover to cover, and had to have more. I've since then read 4 of her books and consider her one of my favorite novelists. If you haven't had a chance to check her out, you're MISSING OUT.
Can't wait to see the movie.
Anyone got any information on when it comes out??
Several years ago (ok, like 2005 or 6), I read my first book by Trisha R. Thomas, while soaking in my garden style tub in the middle of a Saturday afternoon---after a huge break-up. Until I ran across her official blog today, I'd forgotten how much her first book, Nappily Ever After, captivated me. A story about hair...an AFRICAN-AMERICAN story about OUR hair. Before this book, I'd never considered ALL that black hair does (or doesn't) do for us in American society. Spellbound, I read that first book, virtually from cover to cover, and had to have more. I've since then read 4 of her books and consider her one of my favorite novelists. If you haven't had a chance to check her out, you're MISSING OUT.
Can't wait to see the movie.
Anyone got any information on when it comes out??
Losing My Mind, Finding My Voice: Out of My Way!
Losing My Mind, Finding My Voice: Out of My Way!: "A year ago today I was laid off. To say the past year has been challenging is an understatement. Some days, I wished I could rewind my life ..."
Lets get lifted!
Can I just say, that with all the stuff that's flooding the internet now about natural hair care for black women, it's all virtually the same information being shuffled around millions of times on several different websites...ugh! Enough Already! I'm interested in something new. In fact, Craving it!! Something that's gonna push our thinking about this natural hair care movement and move us to a new level of what we want for ourselves and each other as women of color. There's more to this than just product sharing I know....isn't there? I mean, I've seen the same 7 or 8 products on hundreds of different websites and youtube videos, and I won't mention them here because I know you already know which ones they are.
Anyways, ALL RIGHT ALREADY! ...
What else is in this for us? Can we see more (v)blogs on strength, renewal, introspection? Less product pushing (since most of us aren't being paid for it anyways), and more self-appraisal as a result of this process of going natural. Dig in deeper natural hair community! Please!
(sigh!) ..enough for now.
Signed,
P.S.
Anyways, ALL RIGHT ALREADY! ...
What else is in this for us? Can we see more (v)blogs on strength, renewal, introspection? Less product pushing (since most of us aren't being paid for it anyways), and more self-appraisal as a result of this process of going natural. Dig in deeper natural hair community! Please!
(sigh!) ..enough for now.
Signed,
P.S.
Sweet Dreams and Bitter Tea
Now ain't this somthin': Here I am, lying in bed (well sitting for all intents and purposes), sick. That's right, coughing, sneezy, stuffy head, the whole she-bang, and its just killing me. No, not the cold---just the mere fact that I'm sitting at home while the whole world whizzes away to work, making useful of themselves. It's never been easy for me to miss a day of work. It's a laziness complex I think. I was raised to think that if you weren't working, something was wrong, and trouble would soon follow. Duty calls at ALL times. It NEVER takes a break, and neither must I. So..., "UP AND AT IT!--SNAP TO IT!--GET UP LAZY BUMS! That's right, lazy bums, haha! --Old school, I know. I suppose though, that it;s contributed to a strong work ethic...or has it? I mean, I'm prone to working myself to the bone, falling sick, and still carrying on, out of fear of being perceived as skipping out on labor, or having something I'm responsible for come undone. Sucks either way.
Last night I actually had a nightmare about staying home today: My team leader actually got upset and hung up the phone on me when I called her to say I was sick and staying in. That was after I also discovered that my bedroom wall was caving in after a refrigerator leaked into it from the opposite side, washing in a pickled tub of disgusting cockroaches and other insectules (yeah insectules--it's MY blog, alright).
I always like and pay attention to these types of dreams. Their impact lingers long after the day has started, and their true meaning develops slowly, and then suddenly, kinda like a scratch and sniff.
What this dream says about me is that I still, obviously, have some fears of owning my own choices when they are the best ones for me, even in the midst of crises (e.g. refrigerator waterloo), OR feeling like I need a crises in order to make good decisions for myself.
Sucks either way.
If you're someone who loves self-analysis (like yours truly) these are little treats from the midnight hour. Long-lasting well into the following day..hidden self truths to nibble and knaw on, until you reach their core, and find, "aha! Surprise!" -- You! ...standing there all warm and welcoming ready to embrace this new self-awareness, which ultimately starts the cycle to developing more strength. So here's to more sweet dreams! ....and less of this lemon and tea concoction!
(Sucks!)
Signed,
P.S.
Last night I actually had a nightmare about staying home today: My team leader actually got upset and hung up the phone on me when I called her to say I was sick and staying in. That was after I also discovered that my bedroom wall was caving in after a refrigerator leaked into it from the opposite side, washing in a pickled tub of disgusting cockroaches and other insectules (yeah insectules--it's MY blog, alright).
I always like and pay attention to these types of dreams. Their impact lingers long after the day has started, and their true meaning develops slowly, and then suddenly, kinda like a scratch and sniff.
What this dream says about me is that I still, obviously, have some fears of owning my own choices when they are the best ones for me, even in the midst of crises (e.g. refrigerator waterloo), OR feeling like I need a crises in order to make good decisions for myself.
Sucks either way.
If you're someone who loves self-analysis (like yours truly) these are little treats from the midnight hour. Long-lasting well into the following day..hidden self truths to nibble and knaw on, until you reach their core, and find, "aha! Surprise!" -- You! ...standing there all warm and welcoming ready to embrace this new self-awareness, which ultimately starts the cycle to developing more strength. So here's to more sweet dreams! ....and less of this lemon and tea concoction!
(Sucks!)
Signed,
P.S.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Houston we've got lift off
Hey all.
So I'm finally going public. That's right, I've been compiling a few entries on this blog for quite sometime, but it just hasn't been the right time to reveal it for everyone to see until now. Since the last post, I've moved across the country to Houston, Texas, and am all settled into a new job, still an educator though :) .
I'm happy, settled and readjusted....yay!! Soon, very soonm I'm hoping to get back to work on my art and regularly updating my supanatural.webs.com again. I have plenty of new natural hair pics to put up. I'm also still relatively new to blogger, so it'll take some time before I learn how to sync everything up, but I'm working on it!
Thanks to all of my subscribers who've hung in there during this transition. I hope to be back and better than ever, with even more insight into living this life. God knows I've just learned so much these past 6 months. I can't even believe 6 months have already come and gone so quickly. Life is moving so fast. Anyways, in all that you go, keep looking for the silver lining. Life's much to short not to :)
Signed,
Patrinia S.
So I'm finally going public. That's right, I've been compiling a few entries on this blog for quite sometime, but it just hasn't been the right time to reveal it for everyone to see until now. Since the last post, I've moved across the country to Houston, Texas, and am all settled into a new job, still an educator though :) .
I'm happy, settled and readjusted....yay!! Soon, very soonm I'm hoping to get back to work on my art and regularly updating my supanatural.webs.com again. I have plenty of new natural hair pics to put up. I'm also still relatively new to blogger, so it'll take some time before I learn how to sync everything up, but I'm working on it!
Thanks to all of my subscribers who've hung in there during this transition. I hope to be back and better than ever, with even more insight into living this life. God knows I've just learned so much these past 6 months. I can't even believe 6 months have already come and gone so quickly. Life is moving so fast. Anyways, in all that you go, keep looking for the silver lining. Life's much to short not to :)
Signed,
Patrinia S.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Non-Profit notions in the wind
So I'm considering making my for-profit consulting business into a non-profit. I'm not sure it makes sense to charge my targeted clients the sorts of fees that I require. Perhaps, I could create a monthly newsletter and charge a dollar or two for the subscription to cover operating costs. In this economy, I'm just not sure it really makes sense to charge for my service. I dunno. What do you think?
--
PS
--
PS
Friday, April 2, 2010
Goals for April
So it's 1:30 am on April 2nd. I had to wait til' after April Fool's day to write this because I thought it my jinx me not to. My goals for this month are to really get down to the nitty-gritty with promoting my websites. I've got two of them that I'm working on, and I am truly not a tech or webmastering guru, so getting down to business with these has basically been something I've avoided simply because I just don't know how to really get started.
I've got the basics going on the websites: Content, active links, and viable services, but I just don't know how to coordinate my promotions. There seem to be so many options that I'm not sure where to get started.
So far, for Supanatural Art Collection I've got: 1) the facebook fan page, 2) the webs.com website, and now I've 3) the twitter account (ha!--still laughing about this one).
For Pre-K2ba.com, I've got 1) the website and a newsletter, I've got 2) business cards, 3) fliers and finishing up 4) the brochure.
--Now launching a promotions campaign is where I'm stuck.
I mean for Supanatural, should I just be inviting random people on facebook to become fans? I hate when folks seek me out for that purpose, randomly. So here's what I think I'm gonna do:
(*Begin raw thoughts here..)
Supanatural Art Collections
Target my niche: African-American women with natural hair, ages 17-37
Research "groups" on facebook. Maybe other art-related fan clubs, and join.
Reactivate my Myspace acct, and do the same.
Create natural hair dolls to post on m fan page and website
Create natural hair coasters to spread out my price points on the supanatural.webs.com
Have a store of 20 items by the end of April. 2 dolls and 1 set of coasters.
Update Youtube subscribers with my blog url! (yay!!)
Pre-K2BA.com
Niche: Parents/Guardians of 1st generation college-goers. Students in low-performing schools.
Post fliers in Local YMCA's, Boys and Girls Clubs, libraries and Churches (Have Bridgette help during her visit)
Research low-performing schools in Oakland area, and post fliers in nearby public buildings.
Give a talk at a meetup group outing.
Get in contact with families I've worked with in the past, for referrals.
(*End raw brainstorming stream here...)
Ok, now who's gonna hold me accountable for all this......(sigh).
Gnite all.
Patrinia
I've got the basics going on the websites: Content, active links, and viable services, but I just don't know how to coordinate my promotions. There seem to be so many options that I'm not sure where to get started.
So far, for Supanatural Art Collection I've got: 1) the facebook fan page, 2) the webs.com website, and now I've 3) the twitter account (ha!--still laughing about this one).
For Pre-K2ba.com, I've got 1) the website and a newsletter, I've got 2) business cards, 3) fliers and finishing up 4) the brochure.
--Now launching a promotions campaign is where I'm stuck.
I mean for Supanatural, should I just be inviting random people on facebook to become fans? I hate when folks seek me out for that purpose, randomly. So here's what I think I'm gonna do:
(*Begin raw thoughts here..)
Supanatural Art Collections
Target my niche: African-American women with natural hair, ages 17-37
Research "groups" on facebook. Maybe other art-related fan clubs, and join.
Reactivate my Myspace acct, and do the same.
Create natural hair dolls to post on m fan page and website
Create natural hair coasters to spread out my price points on the supanatural.webs.com
Have a store of 20 items by the end of April. 2 dolls and 1 set of coasters.
Update Youtube subscribers with my blog url! (yay!!)
Pre-K2BA.com
Niche: Parents/Guardians of 1st generation college-goers. Students in low-performing schools.
Post fliers in Local YMCA's, Boys and Girls Clubs, libraries and Churches (Have Bridgette help during her visit)
Research low-performing schools in Oakland area, and post fliers in nearby public buildings.
Give a talk at a meetup group outing.
Get in contact with families I've worked with in the past, for referrals.
(*End raw brainstorming stream here...)
Ok, now who's gonna hold me accountable for all this......(sigh).
Gnite all.
Patrinia
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Twitter!?? Omg!
Ok, so I just signed up for a Twitter account. Omg, What's happening to me!>??
Ok, We'll see how it works out.
As an update, I know have 8 paintings posted to my website, available for purchase...check me out!
Thanks guys for all of your support and for subscribing to my facebook fan page! Keep in touch!
Patrinia
Out.
p.s. (follow me on twitter. Twitter.com/untamedwonder) ha!
Ok, We'll see how it works out.
As an update, I know have 8 paintings posted to my website, available for purchase...check me out!
Thanks guys for all of your support and for subscribing to my facebook fan page! Keep in touch!
Patrinia
Out.
p.s. (follow me on twitter. Twitter.com/untamedwonder) ha!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Posting new Paintings to SupaNatual.webs.com
I've just completed two new paintings...these are a part of my "faceless" series. I don't have names for them yet, but I like them because they are basic and yet still unique. These could go well in a salon I think. Though I'd like to do more pieces like these but in darker, more solid "bulkier" colors. My goal is to have 10 pieces posted on my site before I post my next commercial on youtube. Promotion is tough work, and I've barely started, but my whole motivation towards getting this side business up and running, is content for another posting, another day.
Nite all.
PS, aka WonderfullyUntamed!
Nite all.
PS, aka WonderfullyUntamed!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I quit my job
I quit my job a week ago today.
It was so time to go. I've never come so close to losing my sanity, having panic attacks nearly every week. Worried about getting things done among the mountainous number of things that needed to get done, and when you're dealing with other people's children, you wanna make sure you know what you're doing and that you're prepared, and for the most part, I could just never seem to get there... to that point where everything seemed in balance, or that even if things weren't in balance, at least to that point where I was going to have the type of structure that would somehow allow me to get there without having to bring work home every night. It just wasn't happening, and after a crazy ending last year, I just think I ran out of steam to even fight anymore. In the crossroads of it all, I just had to remember that this was a job that I was losing my mind over, and that jobs can come and go, and that as much as I love the kids at the school, at this point, even that love wasn't enough to make me push any longer. I just had to give up or risk a health condition from which I might never be able to fully recover. It was time to go. I'm a fighter, so it's a rare occasion when a resounding, definitive, "I have to stop" will pass through my lips. It was certain though. In the midst of the structural mismatching at my job, there were also, of course, some political shape-ups that simmered in the background of all of this, that I honestly, have never had the wherewithal to want to deal with on any consistent basis. It's the reason I'm not fit for corporate America, and corporate is exactly what the environment started to feel like. I was regularly being overlooked and left out of important conversations and told it was a mistake once I made mention of it, only to see it happen again. Or, I was having to remind folks that certain conversations needed to take place, when after a while I just got tired of chasing folks around to get these things done. If you're a vital puzzle piece, you just won't be left out, without somebody realizing it. Right? Either people view you as necessary for certain things, or they don't. It just never felt like things were as organized as they hopefully one day will be, so that people can actually work AND grow in the environment. It's very difficult to do either one at this point, without feeling like you're always playing catch-up from some place far behind. This isn't to say that the school isn't a good school, in fact I'm not too aware of what the impact is on students, if any. The school is still the top performing school in the area, but I think that's partly because the students come from schools that have prepared them to be successful academically, and the teachers are highly motivated and for the most part, also well prepared. New teachers have at times struggled to find support there but important measures are actively being developed to build a better support mechanism. It's the coordination involved in how, when and with whom these discussions should be held that is in disarray. Folks are appointed to leadership positions for the first time and then not supported when they are there, or not provided with a clear responsibilities, so people just end up stepping all over each other, or taking on more than any one person normally should, but in an environmental culture that values the number of plates any one person can keep spinning at one time, without anything breaking, or having to ask for help, it's hard to complain about running out of free hands without feeling incompetent. On top of that, everything has moral a output, so if you do get upset, or complain or even decide to leave, be careful how you do it. Follow all the proper norms, or your moral integrity will be placed in question. --Exhausting.
The only thing I really felt valued for there was my spirited, emotionally draining diatribes to students in relation to issues of race (like the election of Obama) or issues of character (like cheating on HW or (black) girls who couldn't get along with each other). Without doubt, I felt valued for this because people made the effort to tell me how much they valued it, but that comes at such high cost to me emotionally and not something you want to find necessary to do on many occasions. On the contrary, I wanted to feel valued in other ways, for other contributions, like my level of response to staff whenever there was a need, or the amount of hard work put into supporting parents, or my response to a discipline concern, or even how difficult it is to manage ringing manual school bells on top of covering classes for teachers who are out sick.
I worked my ass off for the people in the school, as an administrator, and for the most part I feel like it was never meaningfully appreciated based on evidence I've mentioned earlier. There was always someone else being praised for "good ideas," or "hard work" balancing so many different things, and sadly these folks are all from the same prototypes, which somehow warranted the practice of regular ass-kissing, when the rest of us were being overlooked, or mentioned for contributions that pale in comparison to the other tasks we balance everyday, but somehow go unnoticed and therefore unappreciated. Moreover, the people who received the most praise (which at some point translate into higher pay), weren't new to those jobs. They'd been doing them for at least 4 years or more. Others of us were new to our posts, but under-supported, under-recognized, and so it seemed, undervalued.
Anyways, its all over now, for the most part. I've resigned. Of course, I'm learning from this situation just like any other, and believe its made me much more aware of my strength and endurance. I know where my boundaries are now in terms of "hard work" and disrespect. My voice will be stronger as a result, and my positive disposition has been restored (yay!). I'm spending time with friends with whom I've otherwise not been fully present over the last year or more simply because I was so concerned with what was happening at this job. At this point, I'm figuring out what has to happen to keep this kind of balance in my life. I just won't survive without it.
It was so time to go. I've never come so close to losing my sanity, having panic attacks nearly every week. Worried about getting things done among the mountainous number of things that needed to get done, and when you're dealing with other people's children, you wanna make sure you know what you're doing and that you're prepared, and for the most part, I could just never seem to get there... to that point where everything seemed in balance, or that even if things weren't in balance, at least to that point where I was going to have the type of structure that would somehow allow me to get there without having to bring work home every night. It just wasn't happening, and after a crazy ending last year, I just think I ran out of steam to even fight anymore. In the crossroads of it all, I just had to remember that this was a job that I was losing my mind over, and that jobs can come and go, and that as much as I love the kids at the school, at this point, even that love wasn't enough to make me push any longer. I just had to give up or risk a health condition from which I might never be able to fully recover. It was time to go. I'm a fighter, so it's a rare occasion when a resounding, definitive, "I have to stop" will pass through my lips. It was certain though. In the midst of the structural mismatching at my job, there were also, of course, some political shape-ups that simmered in the background of all of this, that I honestly, have never had the wherewithal to want to deal with on any consistent basis. It's the reason I'm not fit for corporate America, and corporate is exactly what the environment started to feel like. I was regularly being overlooked and left out of important conversations and told it was a mistake once I made mention of it, only to see it happen again. Or, I was having to remind folks that certain conversations needed to take place, when after a while I just got tired of chasing folks around to get these things done. If you're a vital puzzle piece, you just won't be left out, without somebody realizing it. Right? Either people view you as necessary for certain things, or they don't. It just never felt like things were as organized as they hopefully one day will be, so that people can actually work AND grow in the environment. It's very difficult to do either one at this point, without feeling like you're always playing catch-up from some place far behind. This isn't to say that the school isn't a good school, in fact I'm not too aware of what the impact is on students, if any. The school is still the top performing school in the area, but I think that's partly because the students come from schools that have prepared them to be successful academically, and the teachers are highly motivated and for the most part, also well prepared. New teachers have at times struggled to find support there but important measures are actively being developed to build a better support mechanism. It's the coordination involved in how, when and with whom these discussions should be held that is in disarray. Folks are appointed to leadership positions for the first time and then not supported when they are there, or not provided with a clear responsibilities, so people just end up stepping all over each other, or taking on more than any one person normally should, but in an environmental culture that values the number of plates any one person can keep spinning at one time, without anything breaking, or having to ask for help, it's hard to complain about running out of free hands without feeling incompetent. On top of that, everything has moral a output, so if you do get upset, or complain or even decide to leave, be careful how you do it. Follow all the proper norms, or your moral integrity will be placed in question. --Exhausting.
The only thing I really felt valued for there was my spirited, emotionally draining diatribes to students in relation to issues of race (like the election of Obama) or issues of character (like cheating on HW or (black) girls who couldn't get along with each other). Without doubt, I felt valued for this because people made the effort to tell me how much they valued it, but that comes at such high cost to me emotionally and not something you want to find necessary to do on many occasions. On the contrary, I wanted to feel valued in other ways, for other contributions, like my level of response to staff whenever there was a need, or the amount of hard work put into supporting parents, or my response to a discipline concern, or even how difficult it is to manage ringing manual school bells on top of covering classes for teachers who are out sick.
I worked my ass off for the people in the school, as an administrator, and for the most part I feel like it was never meaningfully appreciated based on evidence I've mentioned earlier. There was always someone else being praised for "good ideas," or "hard work" balancing so many different things, and sadly these folks are all from the same prototypes, which somehow warranted the practice of regular ass-kissing, when the rest of us were being overlooked, or mentioned for contributions that pale in comparison to the other tasks we balance everyday, but somehow go unnoticed and therefore unappreciated. Moreover, the people who received the most praise (which at some point translate into higher pay), weren't new to those jobs. They'd been doing them for at least 4 years or more. Others of us were new to our posts, but under-supported, under-recognized, and so it seemed, undervalued.
Anyways, its all over now, for the most part. I've resigned. Of course, I'm learning from this situation just like any other, and believe its made me much more aware of my strength and endurance. I know where my boundaries are now in terms of "hard work" and disrespect. My voice will be stronger as a result, and my positive disposition has been restored (yay!). I'm spending time with friends with whom I've otherwise not been fully present over the last year or more simply because I was so concerned with what was happening at this job. At this point, I'm figuring out what has to happen to keep this kind of balance in my life. I just won't survive without it.
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